Why Me?

I've been wrestling with a lot of questions this week. Waking in prayer every morning and wondering in my heart what the future holds. I listened to the worship service this morning and my heart was spoken in Andy's prayer when he said something to the effect of God choosing to use a man who has doubts and fears, insecurities and brokenness (this is what I heard but it could be that I heard what I wanted to hear). My heart cried out with relation to these words. I look around me and see so many more capable people. People who do well in new situations, adapt quickly, talk with strangers with ease, love well, attract people, and move people. I take days to adapt, stick my foot in my mouth anytime I talk to people in passing, and freeze when I talk to strangers, can't even always carry a sensable conversation with my good friends. There's more I think I'm not good at but this is not a pity party. It is called doubting. And I realize deep in my soul that doubting and worry is a cop out. God has a plan for me to be useful. I am wiggling my way out of it by doubting who HE is in me. I am right when I say I am nothing because alone I am just that. But it is because I have HIM that I am breathing and serving.

My last overseas trip during a frantic car ride a new friend shared a verse with me and I've held in it my heart so I may not worry, "...All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

Why me is becoming where me.