Jake

Flash slide show at onetruemedia.com

Dear Jake -
A decade sometimes seems like a flash in time. I can't explain where the time has gone. Ten years ago I gave birth to my firstborn and only son. I had no idea how life would change. We waited so long for you with so many complications along the way. When you finally came into this world you did it in true Buller fashion - late. I remember the moment I met you like it was yesterday. You were purple with dark colored skin and a full pitch black head of hair. If I hadn't seen them pull you out from under those sheets below me I wouldn't have believed you were mine. But at that same moment I fell in love for a lifetime. Know this my son. I would give my life for you. I would give my heart for your happiness. I would give my legs for your quick stride down the path of obedience to Christ.

As I looked in your eyes tonight I was reminded how quickly you're really growing up. You stand almost as tall as me, speaking with clarity and confidence. You have a heart of encouragement and use words of affirmation to show love to those around you. You have a sensitive heart with a thoughtful and kind spirit looking out for those who are hurting. You are a mirror image of your father in so many ways - you read while you eat, you love fresh bread while it's still hot out of the oven, you build up anger internally and then blow like a volcano. You have an analytical thinking cap complimenting your statistical speech. You always know the time, the temperature and the page number you're on in your book. You love wheat thins and have recently discovered Triscuits. You beg for a fishing trip every birthday. You buck change and respond in acting out. As you grow into the man God wants you to be I pray you have the obedience and repentance of Isaiah as in Isaiah 6 and use the knowledge you're storing to glorify God.

You confided in me the desires of your heart for when you grow up. I pray whatever God's purpose for your life is that you would know we are behind you 100%. You can do anything through Christ. He will never abandon you and though the ways of this world may someday come between you and me, know that you can always rely and look to God for wisdom and understanding. I am but a mere woman who has been given the gift of being Jacob's mother. My wisdom and understanding is limited and flawed. Yet I know the one true way through life is only that of the Father in Heaven. My prayer for you Jake is that you realize at a young age the plans God has for you. That you pursue those plans and relinquish control of them. Don't waste time on the things of this world like I have. I pray you "love from the center of who you are" (Romans 12:9) and be a Christ-motivated servant to those in your midst.

Jake, tonight the words on this paper cannot describe the overwhelming love I have for you. The sweet melody of yesterday playing through my heart. I'm reflecting back on your childhood thus far, knowing I've screwed up, knowing I've done the best I could, knowing I will screw up again. I loved you as I held you in my arms while you threw a kicking, screaming and biting fit. I loved you when you spit at your sisters and taunted them. I loved you despite the fact you forgot to do your chores because you were reading. Whoever you are, wherever you are, however you are, whatever you become I love you and am grateful to be your mom.